Bad News

Hey everyone, this has been an awful week! Monday started out great! Ben got a little too frisky in the kitchen with me so we fell and I hit my head and got 3 stitches! After kissing/back from the hospital he left for work and I was with the kids all morning until lunch when I sent them to my Mom's house because I had a few photo shoots in the afternoon! First I had a pregnant lady who was only 4 weeks, you couldn't even tell! Next, I had a engagement shoot, and then a women about 30 who looked full of herself and just loves getting her picture taken and admiring it! In the middle of that shoot Ben came home early from work, I was overjoyed! I dropped my camera and ran to him and kissed him harshly! I got so excited a little pee came out. I had to run inside to get a new camera because I dropped my camera in my excitement! It took me about half an hour because I couldn't find it, and when I did it needed new batteries and needed to be polished! When I came back outside, you won't guess what I found. Ben and the women, naked, doing things in our front lawn! I screamed at Ben, I was so so mad i sent the lady off (her name was Jilian) without even finishing the shoot! I just yelled at Ben for about 57 minutes until he drove away, still naked, to Jilian's house to finish what they started in the lawn! I started to cry, how could he do this to me. I drove to my mom's and picked up the kids and then they played in their rooms while I made dinner! I put the kids to bed early, I just needed some time to think, cry, and eat some steak while trying to figure out what to do! As I chewed on a piece of steak I decided to call Ben! He picked up and told me he is staying with Jilian for the night. I asked him when he would be back, and he said never! He told me my boobs weren't big enough for him to be satisfied, that Jilian was sexier and better than I was and that he doesn't love me anymore! Now, by this point I was bawling and getting tears on my steak so it tasted salty. I screamed at him, angry, and said we are getting divorced! He agreed and hung up, but before he did I heard him tell Jilian "love you and your sexy hot body babe". That broke my heart, he usually told me that catchline to turn me on! I cried myself to sleep, lonely in my bed without someone to kiss. I woke up early to get the kids on the bus, cried while eating mashed potatoes and sea salt popcorn all morning until lunch. I had another 2 shoots Tuesday afternoon while the kids were at school, which was good timing! I cried a lot during them though because one was an engagement shoot and one was a maternity shoot. When the kids got home from school they did their homework and played while I did work! I was very behind, I had 5 shoots to edit! I'm sure the stress of that did not help my night. I made the kids dinner around 6, and I wasn't feeling good so I didn't eat anything! Once they were in bed I threw up a few times in the sink. It wasn't good, I was just so stressed and sad it was messing up my eating and all! I went to bed pretty early, after doing some more work. Wednesday the kids left for school and Lily spent the day at my mom's because I was very very busy! I spent all morning working, I wasn't even done! I got some steak and garlic cheese on the way to the courthouse to sign papers and make the divorce official. I was a mess, sucking on my steak while I signed the papers, crying and getting everything wet and salty! I licked the tears of the podium though, they tasted to yummy. SIGH. Then, I had to quick get home before the kids got off the bus! They did their homework and all while I cleaned and made dinner, and then we watched a movie as a family before putting them to bed while I did work! Thursday was another okay day, I spent time playing with Lily when the kids were at school, and then I did some work and had lunch, finished my work in the afternoon before playing with Lily and talking to my mom! She agrees with my decision, although of course she is very sad about it too. Evening was normal, kids did homework, dinner, family time, bed, work, sleep! Friday was a bit better though, the kids had off from school so they all slept in which gave me time to clean the house, I had been neglecting that this week because I was depressed! I gained some weight, too, from eating so much steak because I was so sad and steak stained with my salty tears is just my comfort food, I think I'm going to get some right now! Anyway, (MY STEAK TASTES VERY YUMMY) I spent Friday afternoon with the kids at the park, it was a great change! We went out to dinner and then they went to bed early because they were all very tired from their long, hard, fun day! When they were in bed I had another photo shoot, it wasn't a big deal though it was quick! I spent some time editing and playing with Lily again before heading up to bed! I cried myself to sleep, I missed making out with someone! I chewed on some beef though, which cheered me up enough to make steak at 1am in the morning! Yummy, oh yes, it was amazing. I slept in this morning, because my mom thinks I need a break so she took the kids to Six Flags! It was great, I had a great morning with Lily, made lunch, and worked/cleaned early afternoon! Oops, some of my steak juice just got on my keyboard.

Weekend Fun!

Hey everyone! This weekend has been great! The kids had off school Friday, so we decided to go to the beach for the weekend! We left Friday early morning, and flew to Ocean City, NJ! Super long flight, but worth it! Friday afternoon we checked into the beach club, had lunch on the boardwalk, and went to the beach for the afternoon! It was a really nice day, in the 80s with no humidity, and a slight breeze! The kids had so much fun playing in the water and in the sand, while Mommy sat with Lily under the umbrella! We just had dinner at the beach club restaurant, and then the kids went in the pool afterwards! It was amazing, Julian and Morgan were topless because they don't really like bathing suit tops! Julian is a 32A and Morgan is a 30A! The girls don't mind their boobs showing at all. The little boys wear speedo bottoms without a swim shirt or anything! Saturday we were at the beach all day long until late afternoon, it was relaxing! Again, after dinner we swam in the pool! It was very crowded, and some boys did stare at Julian's boobs, but it was still very fun! After the kids got showered we hopped onto a overnight plane, and got home early early this morning! We all slept a lot this morning and, sadly, missed church! I was so upset I cried in the car, so did Ben and the kids! It's okay though, we will make up for it by going to the evening service :)

Hey everyone, I'm sure you all have been anxious to hear about what has happened between Ben and I! Wednesday we didn't talk or make-out, I was really mad! He slept on the living room couch, the kids didn't understand why Daddy brought his pillow to the couch. I went to bed early and cried myself to sleep. Yesterday morning, we didn't have our normal french kissing in the living room, he was gone before I woke up! I didn't have a very good day, just sent the kids off to school and cuddled with Lily and did some work all day. When the kids got home I was in a better mood, so we played strip hide-and-seek and Guess That Fact : Civil War Edition! I made dinner (mashed potatoes, cucumbers, and grilled cheese on whole wheat bread) and the kids did their homework before starting out nightly routine! I was still slightly bummed out because Ben was late, so I didn't join in on the pee routine, I just watched! I got the kids to bed around 8:30, nursed Lily and put her down at 9! I just ate some ice-cream, edited pics, and made brownies until about 11:30! I was planning on going up to bed when I heard a car in the driveway! I was nervous, didn't know what to expect, but I sure didn't see it coming! Ben walked in, with something hidden behind his back! He walked to me with a smile on his face and handed me some carnation lilies! I started to cry, it was so meaningful! Carnation lilies are quite rare, Ben must have drove a whole 3 minutes to get them! I put the flowers in a vase and then Ben pulled me into him and we made out quite heavily for a few minutes, when it started to get frisky we stripped and headed back to our bedroom! 

Wacky Wednesday!

Hey guys, today was Wacky Wednesday at my kid's school! It is a just a day when everyone dresses crazy and all. Julian didn't want to dress up, so she just wore what she normally wore, a purple sweatshirt with green jeans! Morgan wore a polka dot dress with striped lace leggings, how crazy! The boys didn't want to do anything too crazy, so they just wore matching yellow suits! They all said they had a great day :)
So, turns out this day was also wacky for another reason! Ben told me he has been seeing another girl the past 3 weeks, but regrets it and wanted to ask for my forgiveness! He said he was just getting tired of me and wanted to "get some" with another girl. He ended up making her pregnant, so he felt he needed to tell me. I cried a lot, because I didn't understand, I thought we had a good relationship! I trusted him, and he broke that trust. He feels bad, and is of course still living with me, but we are sleeping in seperate rooms tonight, just for me to think things through and calm down.

First Few Days!

The first few days with my my baby Lily have been amazing! Monday was my first full day with her, and that's actually when school started! Julian and Morgan are 8, going into 3rd grade, they turn 9 in March, and Jeremy and Ethan are 7, going into 2nd grade, they turn 8 in December! School starts at 8:40, and they take the bus which leaves at 8:05! When they left I nursed Lily and played with her until about 10 when I had to put her down for her nap! While she was napping I did laundry and normal work around the house, and made my myself lunch and prepared for my photo shoot this afternoon! I nursed her again around noon, and played/watched her until 1 when I dropped her off at our neighbors, her nap was at 2 so they didn't really need to watch her much! After my shooting, I picked up Lily who was still sleeping, and just put her in her crib again! At 3 when she woke up I fed her, and she just watched me edit pics until 3:35 when the kids got home! Our tutor helped them with their homework. Her name is Carly and she comes by early weekday 3:30-4:30 to help the kids with their work! Not that they are dumb or anything, its just how I like it! Then, we decided to go swimming until dinner at 6! It was just a really good, regular day! Yesterday morning before school since the kids woke up early and had a good breakfast, we did a family pee routine! Ethan and I got the sink, Julian got the toilet, Jeremy got the trashcan, and Morgan got the tub! It was fun to see us all pee at the same time! Such a great bonding experience :)

First Day!

Hey everyone! Today was my first day with Lily! I was woken up at 6am with Lily (no time for my kitchen routine with Ben :( ) so I nursed here while Ben watched and then he woke the kids up and made them breakfast! Ben watched Lily while I watched the kids eat, and then Ben left for work while the kids and I went through our morning routine! There was a slight issue though, Ethan pooped during family pee time...I got it cleaned up though! After out routine I put Lily down for her morning nap and played with the kids a little bit! After I made them lunch I woke up Lily and took the kids plus Lily to our neighbors house to be babysat, I had a photoshoot this afternoon! After my photoshoot I picked up the kids and put Lily down for her afternoon nap while I kissed a pillow, pretending it was Ben while Julian watched! Then we all stripped and swam in our pool! We don't own bathing suits, we just strip to swim! It's so much more fun and daring, the kids love it! Then, I had to go inside and feed Lily while the kids played strip hide and seek in the house, then Ben came home! I had Ben to kiss, instead of a pillow ;) He made dinner while I played with the kids, then we had a family dinner! After dinner the kids watched TV while Ben and I made out on the kitchen floor while Julian watched, and then got the kids ready for bed! After they were asleep I just got some editing done, that's what I'm doing now! :)

Big News!

Hey everyone! Got a lot to tell you, I better start at the beginning! Yesterday afternoon my water broke while I was making out on the couch with Ben! It got all over him, which I did feel slightly bad about! I told the kids to play in their room because Mommy was having her baby! Julian and Jeremy were very excited, but Morgan and Ethan were scared and ran right to their room! I stripped down in the living room, so did Ben! I felt the baby coming, so Ben ran to get the water running in the bath tub, I was planning on a water birth! Julian and Jeremy wanted to stay and watch, so I agreed! They stripped down too, to get in the spirit! I waddled into the bathroom and sat in the tub, Julian and Jeremy sat on the bathroom counter while Ben climbed in the tub with me! I layed there, in miserable pain, for 4 hours! The kids got bored after 15 minutes so they went to play! Ben called my mom and had her come over and make the kids dinner and get them to bed and all, because my labor went all through the night! I wasn't worried, my labor with Julian and Morgan took 32 hours, Jeremy and Ethan was only 17 minutes though! I laid in the bath tub all night with Ben, neither of us got any sleep! I was 5cm dilated in the morning, and contractions were 8 minutes apart! My mom had stayed over night, which was great! Today around 3pm I could tell the baby was ready to come out, so Ben called my mom and the kids in! They all stripped down, to get in the spirit, and sat on the counter and watched! All 5 of them, even my mom! Ben delivered my baby with a crowd of 6 watching! The guy who was fixing our sump pump had actually come by during labor, we invited him to join in! He even stripped down too, to get in the mood! I had Lily Olivia Miller at 3:33pm, August 18th, 2013! At 4, after we were all dressed and the sump pump guy left (not after we had gotten his number to invite him for dinner sometime!) we took Lily to the hospital to get tests run, same with me! Results got back fine, no problems with either of us! We just got back home, and I definitely wanted to update you all! :)